May 16, 2011

Posted by in Image and Style | View Comments

What I’d Wear if I had a “Package”

Working as an image consultant for men, part of my job involves dressing men. Because of this I’m surrounded by testosterone all day.

woman in jeans What Id Wear if I had a PackageIt comes with the job when I’m measuring men for custom pants. Now I just take their best fitting pair and duplicate them. But in the early days,I did spend a lot of time on bended knees. So,  it’s only natural for me to occasionally wonder – What I would do if I had a penis!

There is an old saying “Anything well-packaged is Half Sold, so the first thing I’d do since as an image consultant with a line of custom pants is – Dress it up!

Here’s how I’d Package my Package:

Wear pants that fit. I wouldn’t wear my pants too big because I wouldn’t want it to look sloppy or bushy!

Pick the right length trouser. Short pants send a message that I’m coming up short and that’s not the image I’d want to send.

Never wear Dockers. These are image busters, what I call high school pants. I’d wear grown up pants, preferably custom pants to show that I’ve evolved and that I’m bigger now.

Drape it in good cloth. My penis would feel better when cover in better cloth. Plus, cheap cloth itches and that’s not good for the penis.

Bring up the rear. A lot of my clients have flat butts so when I’m making custom pants I like to create the illusion of a butt. After all, your rear is the caboose of your penis.

Empty my pockets.
I wouldn’t want anything distorting my penis and making it appear abnormal.

Toss my old pants. I’d never want to give them image that my package is neglected or unused.

Make it look interesting.
Boring pants equal boring penis, so I’d wear patterns and textures that look good on it. Whether they are custom pants or off the rack, nothing boring will ever be near my special place.

Avoid Sweat Pants. Ewww, even the name sounds stinky!

Choose Boxers over Briefs. I’d give it air out just for the heck of it. Plus, I wouldn’t want a male panty line.

Wash my Hands. I’d wash my hands before and after I touched it because women want to touched by clean hands.

Wear nice shoes. Again, as an image consultant, I know that the eye travels up, then down, then back up. Old, ratty shoes will make your you know what look old – and ratty.

Wear custom trousers.
Rather than search the world looking for a good fit, all my pants would be custom.

Invest in a good pair of jeans. Jeans are a wardrobe staple. Got to have them.

Buy a good leather belt. Wearing good quality leather is an indication of what’s to come – no pun I intended.

Wear a cool belt buckle. Everybody knows that women are attracted to shiny things so the reason should be obvious.

Image Tip: Follow my lead. As a penis-less female working with men, I’ve had to spend hundreds of hours researching, reading and studying image, fashion and style for men. And I’ve made a lot of custom pants and this is exactly what I’d do … if I had a penis!

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